I used to live just like that. As I look back on my life sometimes its as if I am looking at someone else's. I don't look back with regret and I'm not holding onto the past in a punishing or hurtful way. Sometimes I just look back to see where God has brought me and all the time I am left in awe with an overflowing thankful heart for the One who saves, who saved me.
As I look back, yes it is as if I'm looking at someone else's life. Even though it was my life, that person who once was, no longer exists. The day I confessed and believed the Lord is my Savior that person died and I was made a new creature in Him. Hallelujah!
We overcome by the blood of the lamb and the word of our testimony. So, I don't know why, but I feel as if I am being led to share a part of my story today.
I went through a time in my life as a young adult where I was completely lost. No longer in my parents nest I was trying to find my own way. My own way that took me down many dead ends and curvy winding roads. I looked to others to create for me that feeling of safety and I occasionally read self help books that only made me feel good for a very short time. I can see now how insecure I was. I really had no self confidence in knowing who I was, how important I was and that I was created for a purpose.
I didn't know or understand that someone much bigger than my parents created me and loves me more than they are even capable of.It was in this time of my life when I made so many bad decisions because I lacked self confidence. I was a follower. I used to say I hated conflict, but most people do. Now I understand that I didn't know how to deal with conflict so I did whatever I had to do to avoid it. Add to the mix being insecure and the result is I did things I didn't feel comfortable doing and knew were wrong.
Also somehow along the way I got a really warped understanding of what love is. I always thought it was a feeling. It also didn't help when someone would say to me, "Well, if you loved me you would do this for me", even when I knew in my heart that it wasn't right.
Maybe you are saying that is me. I lack self confidence, I am insecure, I am a follower. Maybe when you walk you look down at your feet instead of holding your head high. I am here to tell you I have been there and I understand, my friend. We don't need to struggle with our identity when we know who we are in Christ. When we give our hearts to Jesus and when we allow Him to live within us, He is the only one we want to follow. In no time at all, you will begin to feel His showers of love and peace and understand that He created you for a purpose!
Today, as a follower of Christ, I can hold my head high because I know who I am in Him. I know He is with me, I know His joy is my strength, and I know He will carry me and I also know how much He loves me!
Have a wonderfully blessed day!