My Testimony

I grew up with a Mom who was a believer, but my family didn't attend church regularly. Perhaps we went more when we were little, but I don’t really remember.The changing point in my life came when I was thirty-five years old. I was not married, living in sin. I was a co-dependent, an enabler. My life was quickly spinning out of control. I found myself all alone and pregnant with my first child. My baby’s father wanted to be a part of this, but he couldn't be. I knew in my heart that I couldn't do it alone, that I needed guidance and wisdom from God. I wanted to raise this child right. I was beyond thrilled there was a life growing inside of me. Even though I was alone, I was not afraid. I had this awesome peace and joy about it. I can remember thinking, things happen for a reason and I committed in giving my situation to God.

Even though I knew all this in my heart, I didn't seek a church or God until my son was 2 years old and then we only went to church a couple of times. I look back now and can see I was distracted and thrown off course. My son’s father was back in my life and I had so much hope in him. Could we finally be the family I so wanted? A short time passed and I found out I was pregnant and then very soon after I was alone, again. This time I felt hurt, angry, ashamed and scared. Now a single mom of two and the second wasn't even born yet! Although, the fear I felt didn't stick around too long. Once again, I knew in my heart everything was going to be okay. I could do this.

When my second son was about a year old, my boys and I started attending church regularly. In August of 2009, I dedicated my children to the Lord and I was water baptized on the same day! I was so excited about this new beginning and for my relationship with God to grow even more. During this time my mom was battling lung cancer. I was so happy she was even able to be a part of this glorious day! In December of 2009, my mom’s battle ended and she went home to be with the Lord.
I didn’t let my mom’s passing overwhelm me with the questions of “why?” In fact, even though my walk with Christ was still immature, I knew enough that my mom was in a much better place and this comforted me. I pressed into God even more. I was determined to be reunited with my mom again!

I continued to hunger and thirst for God.  There definitely was a change inside of me! I wanted to learn more, get closer to Him. I love spending time in His Word. Some days it is harder than others to have my quiet time, to read and to even pray. Daily demands and being a single mom I often find it very hard to balance things. I also know God knows my situation and is here with me. I am not on this journey alone. He also knows my heart. He knows it is a heart who longs for a deeper understanding, a closer relationship with Him.

Then the questions started coming. What is my purpose, my calling? What is His will for my life?  I remember one day I was in my bedroom, praying with my Bible. I was asking God to reveal to me my purpose. After all, as Christians isn’t our great commission to go out and tell of the good news?

When I opened my Bible it opened to Matthew chapter five. Now at this time, we were studying The Beatitudes in bible study, so I naturally thought my Bible opened here because it has been opened on this exact page for several weeks now. So, I began to read, but nothing spoke to my heart. I then started reading the scriptures prior to chapter five. I had my Bible open in my lap and the page turned [by itself] back one page. The ceiling fan was on low, so I didn’t think anything of it. I turned the page back to where it was and started to read. Still none of it touched my heart. The page turned one page back again. I can’t recall how many times this happened or if it was only those two times until I decided okay, let me read these pages.

I read how Mary and Joseph fled with Jesus to Egypt, how they returned to Nazareth and the beginning of John the Baptist’s ministry, and then Jesus’ own baptism. Still, nothing clicked; nothing spoke directly to my heart. I remember calling out to God and saying if this is from you please give me direction. What is it you are trying to tell me? I was determined because I just knew God was trying to speak to me, but I wasn’t getting it. I re-read and asked again. There was something here on these pages He was trying to reveal to me. I was not letting this go until I had my answer. It was then I thought to look in my daily bible study. I turned to the pages in the study corresponding to where my Bible laid open. There it was! Right there in black and white and I just knew at that moment in my heart this is what God wanted to tell me. This is what He is calling me to do right now at this point in my life!
“Step by step, Matthew unfolds the story of Jesus. He begins by showing us how Jesus was born into this world. He goes on to show us, at least by implication, that Jesus had to perform faithfully his duties to his home before he began on his duty to the world; he had to show himself faithful in the smaller tasks before God gave him the greatest task in all the world.” (Barclay, 2001)[1]
Yes! There it was! My calling is my ministry right at home! That is it! How exciting! I soon realized as I continue to seek God’s face and a deeper relationship with Him, I allow Him to transform me to be a good example for my own children and to gain the knowledge, so I can train up my children to be godly men. This is so exciting!
From that day last year till now, God has needed to remind me of this. When I started my blog, I spent too much time on the design and redesigning. Through certain trials, God has also spoken to my heart several verses reminding me and confirming my ministry is right here in my own home.  Right now, I am so thrilled to be the shepherd leading my flock to follow His voice, of course, not alone!

Here are verses that continually encourage me:

“The wise woman builds her house, but with her own hands the foolish one tears hers down.”Proverbs 14:1

“Unless the Lord builds the house, its builders labor in vain.” Psalm 127:1

“By wisdom a house is built, and through understanding it is established, through knowledge its rooms are filled with rare and beautiful treasures.” Proverbs 24:3-4

“The Lord says, “I will guide you along the best pathway for your life. I will advise you and watch over you.” Psalm 32:8

[1] William Barclay’s The New Daily Study Bible, The Gospel of Matthew, Volume One, p. 70

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